Reverse engineering
Resentful.
That is the word I was looking for. The last few weeks I had several conversations in which I struggled searching in my brain… “Begrudgingly”? Too clunky. “Regretfully”? Too formal. “Upset”? Too one-dimensional. Finally I remembered to check in the thesaurus and I found it! The word I was looking for was “resentful”.
I’ve talked to so many people recently where it came up, how they were feeling resentful in the things they had to do. It’s not something I feel often, and I think I was able to reverse engineer my thoughts that avoided that feeling.
When I give – a reward, a gift, a compliment, my energy, my time – I am never resentful if it is not returned or appreciated. I give from a place a joy, and I have so much abundant joy in me, that no one can steal my joy. Not the colleague who disrespected me (who is no longer a colleague). Not the friend scolds me over a tiny misunderstanding. Not my kid who tells me I’m the worst mom. Not the internet trolls who tell me I’m the worst mom. Not my husband who disagrees with me in front of the kids. Not my mom…. ehn… I’m still working on that one 😋.
The answer is gratitude
Almost nobody can steal my joy. So for example, if I offer to work, I’m never resentful of the people who are on vacation or of the person calling out for their own or a child’s illness. I’m so happy and grateful that I’m healthy and my kids are healthy that I can go to work. I’m so grateful I have a job to go to. I’m so grateful my kids have a safe place to be so I can work. I’m so grateful my kids have loving teachers and caregivers. I’m so grateful I have mom friends who could take my kids for the day if my own village couldn’t.
>>>>Here one and two things you can do to immediately have more joy<<<<
It’s not like I have a limited supply of joy, that if I give joy and I don’t get it back, then I’m missing joy. It’s more like a infinite supply of joy. Love and kindness are free to give. It costs me nothing to be kind. Not even mental energy… I’m too busy in my brain thinking about my joyful things. I always try not to allow people to live rent free in my mind. Instead, I fill my mind with gratitude. Here’s how I use gratitude to go from resentful “I have to” energy to grateful “I get to” energy.
When I am called into work because a colleague is sick – I get to be healthy and go to work. When I am stuck solo parenting and managing all home things on my own – I get to focus on just loving and experiencing more things with my kids (who have their share of healthy tantrums and arguments). My husband cooks a lot, so when he is away, I also get to eat out more with the kids (yay indulgence). When I feel my efforts in my career go unnoticed – I also know that I get to do all these amazing things that fill me up in my career, and that I get to receive these amazing speaking and writing opportunities for my career.
I can’t be resentful if I’m choosing to do these things, if I get to choose them. When I do things I choose, there is no room for resentment in my brain because my thoughts and feelings radiate joy and gratitude.
See here for part 2 of how to never be resentful by resolving >>>>to create loving boundaries<<<<.
If you are ready to have this kind of unlimited joy, if you are tired of people stealing your joy, aka stealing your time and energy, sign up for practical time management tips and 3 quick wins to give you back your joy >>>>here<<<<. It’s free, it’s freeing, and it’s freedom. What are you waiting for? Your resentment-free, joyful and abundant life awaits!
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