*For emergency help with a mental health crisis, call or text 988 or call 911.

How do we recognize and protect our kids from addictive screen time use?

A >>>>new study<<<< just came out exploring the association between screen use and suicidal thoughts in youth. More screen time did not show a link, but addictive screen time behavior did. In an age where our daily routines plug into technology multiple times throughout the day, this study gives us insight into how we can help kids stay healthy in a digital environment. Share this post with a parent or grandparent who knows kid who are struggling with screen addiction. Elder teens who have overcome this mostly, what tips do you have?

Here is a sample of the questions used in the study to determine addictive screen time behavior and my suggested antidotes that I use for my own kids and patients.

• I feel the need to use social media apps more and more
• The thought of being without my phone makes me feel distressed
• I play video games so I can forget about my problems

There’s a pattern here, and it’s not how long a kid is on a device, but how they are using the device. Here are some questions to ask ourselves to evaluate our kids’ screen use and some antidotes and prevention strategies to address addictive behaviors.

Where does the time go?

Is your kid using the device for longer and longer stretches of time to the point of not having enough time to fulfill basic needs of socializing with family and friends, doing homework for school, getting enough nutrition and sleep and exercise, or keeping up with hygiene?

Remember the old saying – “keep kids busy and keep them out of trouble”? Well, I’m not sure if it’s a real saying, but whenever I say it, I always get a chuckle out of the grandparents or parents more advanced in age. But there’s some truth to it isn’t there? Encourage your kids to sign up and try different activities. Encourage them to get their body moving everyday. Encourage them to explore screen less hobbies and to spend time outside. Allow them opportunities to spend time with friends. Give. Them. Chores. Staying busy provides kids with their own reasons to stay off the screens while also working on their interpersonal skills, building up their responsibility trait, and gaining a sense of purpose. What do you and your kids do to stay busy?

Are you ok with being not ok?

Is your kid unable to cope with their sad or angry or worried emotions without their phone or device? For example, how do they react when you tell them to put the device away? How do they react when something upsetting happens and they can’t get to their phone? Is your kid able to sit with an uncomfortable feeling and process it without a device?

My patients who are cutting or who have thought about suicide tell me they did so as a response experiencing a strong and intense, uncomfortable feeling, also known as distress. We can help kids tolerate distress or that feeling of intense frustration, anger, sadness, or annoyance, with practice and mindfulness. We can give our kids space to be mad, vent, or to cry it out. We can help them find breathing and mindfulness strategies to reset their mental state and regulate their emotions. We can also allow them to have opportunities to fail (this starts as early as 3 when kids can start playing board games where they can practice losing and patience to wait their turn). Encourage them to try something new, even if you know it will be hard for them. Encourage them to try their solution even if they might fail. The earlier they can learn that it’s okay to not be okay all the time – without the assistance of a digital device – the more confident in having the hope that they will be okay eventually.

Do you have problem solving skills?

The last question targets problem solving skills. Do you give your kids the change to solve their own problems? Do they have opportunities to feel frustrated and have experience figuring out how to troubleshoot their frustration? Do you ever ask your kids what their solutions would be and brainstorm strategies with them?

As I mentioned above, kids who have self harm or suicidal thoughts are experiencing distress, and they are using self harm as a way to solve their problem of distress. It makes sense that kids who are relying and strengthening their daily reliance on screens to relieve and solve their distress, have a very limited toolkit for problem solving. Therefore, a key strategy to keep our kids safe is to help them find other ways to solve their problems. We can ask our kids for their ideas for solutions. We can ask them what they would need to pursue those decisions. We can ask them to see if they would like to hear some ideas we have (and it’s okay if they say no – I usually ask my patients, too, and 99% of my patients say yes, and only 50% of the time my daughter says yes ). Try harnessing their creativity by asking for 3-5 solutions that are wishes (if they had no money, skill, or time constraints) and 3-5 solutions that are quick, realistic wins that can be done today.

Moving forward with screens

Kids will be using screens, and they will eventually have access to a phone. We can’t monitor them all day long forever, but we can help them build boundaries for screen use and teach them to be aware of the dangers to look for. This study highlights serious problems with screen use, but is also an opportunity to reflect on how we can use screens safely – we can balance it out with other activities, give kids skills to be okay with not being okay, and practice problem solving tools.

View this post on instagram as a short reel video >>>>here<<<< or click on the image below. Share with a friend or family member who wants to keep their kid safe from addictive screen use (which has been shown to lead to suicidal thoughts and behavior). If you are concerned about your kid, talk to your child’s pediatrician to formulate a plan for your kid. Best wishes navigating parenting in the digital era! It’s hard, but easier when we have science and frameworks to guide us.