Social Media Reality (data)
Just like how most parents wouldn’t let their kids drive a car without any training or without any rules, kids are safer using digital devices and social media when there are rule, boundaries, and instruction. And just like how some kids are more careful, some like the break rules, some like to go fast, every kid interacts with heir car and with their digital devices in a different way. So, before we talk about rules, let’s first understand the layout of the streets in this digital town, aka, let’s take a look at the data.
Who using digital devices?
According the latest US Census data conducted early 2020, 40% of toddlers have a tablet by age 2 years old, and up to 60% by 4 years old. 25% of kids have a phone by the time they are 8 years old. That number increases to 42% by 10 years old, and 91% by 14 years old. A majority of kids have some sort of digital device in their bedroom such as a tablet, phone, or TV. It really takes a lot of intention to go against the tide and pull back from these devices. Let’s keep exploring the data so that we can help our kids be more intentional with their screen time usage.
Where do kids go online?
Videos. Most kids are watching videos when they use a screen. Mostly YouTube. YouTube. YouTube. 9 out of 10 teens are using YouTube, with 75% saying that they use it everyday. 6 out of 10 are on TikTok and Instagram. 5 out of 10 are on SnapChat. Of these teens, about 15% are on these platforms almost constantly through out the day. Theses kids would benefit from the “crowding out” strategy below. 8 in 10 kids play video games, and 4 in 10 are playing daily.
How does screen time affect kids?
Screens affect kids in every way. They can lead to problems with peer interactions, sleep, self esteem, and worsen physical and mental health. Of course, nothing is absolute, and there can be some positives to screen time such as the potential for social connectiveness (though they should not be replace the benefits of person connections). Since there are millions of studies on kids and screen time, let me just highlight the lessons I learned from the 3 most recent studies I read.
In the third most recent study I read (Barzilay et al, 2026), over 10,000 preteens and teens were analyzed according to phone ownership and no phone ownership. Of the 12 year olds, 3849 kids who did not own a phone, when compared to 6739 peers with phones, had fewer symptoms of depression, less obesity, and more hours of sleep. Of the kids who got a phone at 13 years old, more developed symptoms of depression and were less likely to have more than 9 hours of sleep, compared to their peers who still didn’t have a phone. The lesson here is to delay phone ownership for as long as possible. Also, if your kids tell you that EVERYONE has a phone, you can tell them that at least 3849 twelve year olds did not.
The outcome of the second most recent study I read was that kids who spend more time on social media and developed more inattention symptoms – such as difficulty concentrating and being easily distracted (Nivins et al, 2025). This is not surprising, since many other studies show that increased screen time leads to decreased quality of sleep (which in turn affects the brain’s ability to focus), and is associated with more difficulty with emotional regulation and overcoming feelings of frustration.
The most recent study I read (Huang et al, 2025) followed 186 kids over 10+ years, and found that early screen use at 1 and 2 years old was associated with slower decision making at 8-10 years old, and more anxiety symptoms at 13 years old. When screen introduction was delayed until 3 or 4 years old, these associations were not found. Reading books and building blocks with our kids, wins over screen time through many technology advancement eras. Turn the screens off, and delay introduction of screen time for as long as possible.
Reasonable Rules (pediatrician mom)
Let’s take the data and develop some reasonable rules with me. If kids are increasingly getting the hands on digital devices at younger and younger ages, then the easiest way to limit screen time to not have it. Limit it, ask questions about how screen time is being used and managed, and role model how screen time should look. Keep in mind, every kid and every family is different. I hope some of these rules inspire you to create ones that work for your kid and your family. Check out the AAP’s >>>family media plan<<< to help you create a custom plan.
Rule #1 – Avoid owning digital devices for AS LONG AS POSSIBLE
What if you already have a tablet for your kid? You can let battery run out and charge it sporadically as needed for illnesses or travel. You can choose not to replace it if it breaks. I did that once for myself. I lost an iPad on the plane – left it on the seat pocket and it was lost or stolen – and I chose not to replace it. I have many families who, after talking about screen time over a few well visits – revise their family rules and choose not to charge the tablet often. When I ask an 11 year old at their well visit if they have a phone, and they give a very annoyed “No” response while side-eyeing their parent, I celebrate with the parent with a high-five! My kids never had a tablet, and I got my oldest child a cell phone when she was 13 years old. To practice, both older kids started using my cell phone to text their friends around 10-11 years old.
Also, have places where you can avoid the digital device. We don’t allow screens when we are eating. We don’t allow them in the car. Yes, my precious children can be bored. I allow them to be bored. They can look out the window. They have scenery. They have brains they can daydream with. Planes are a different beast. I want to catch up on my movies during flights, so my kids get almost as much as screen time as they want, minus meals, sleep time, and mandatory eye rest breaks. We also don’t allow any screen time in the mornings, which automatically eliminates screen time and whining about screen time for half they day!
Lastly, avoid the apps when possible. Since we are pretty busy with many things, my kids do not play video games. We have not used roblox or mine craft. Definitely no TikTok, and I have not allowed my teen with a phone to download Instagram, SnapChat, or Discord. However, the pull of the screen is powerful, and she is on YouTube quite a lot. Some of it is productive, such as playing music, learning new hair styles, and following a workout video. Most of it is not. I crowd out her day as much as I can, and the rest is filled with YouTube and texting her friends.
Rule #2 – Fill time with non-screen based activities
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends “crowding” out screen time with other activities. Fill the kids’ time with things to do, so that they are left with less time to be on the screens.
Structured activities give kids something to do. For my kids, I signed them up for an instrument. This not only fills time being at lessons, but also fills their time with practicing their songs. I signed my kids up for 1-2 sports each season. Dance and cross country/track. Dance and gymnastics. In the summer, they might try a new sport such as tae kwon do or a new instrument such as the guitar. I also encourage my kids to sign themselves up for after school clubs when that is available. My kids chose student council, baking club, and Reading Olympics.
At home, I stock up on supplies and have collected items my kids can use to have screen-free time. We have paint, playdoh, modeling clay, bracelet beads, nail polish, books (fresh batch from the library – free!), board games, card games, blocks, legos, journals, markers, glitter pens, billiards/foosball table (on sale!), hover board (also on sale!), indoor basketball net, and puzzles. When it’s nice outside, I also let my kids skate, ride their bikes (with helmets!), shoot hoops, or play hockey. Inside, we have gymnastics mats, a floor balance beam, free weights, and a rebounder (trampoline for adults), so they never have an excuse to not get out their zoomies. Sometimes, we have foster dogs that the kids will need to talk and take care of – no phones on walks so they stay focused on the dog’s behavior and grounded in the present moment.
My kids have chores to do, so obviously those things much be done before they can have screen time. On non-school days when I’m working, I give my kids a list of things they need to get done before they can any screen time, such as some brain work like reading with comprehension questions, a writing prompt, a math worksheet, and playing a board game together. But back to the chores. Since they kids were 6 years old, they have been doing their on laundry. They rotate setting the table, wiping the meal table, washing breakfast and lunch dishes on the weekends. Sometimes they have to sweep, vacuum, and water the plants. Less work for parents (aside from the initial investment of reminders and teaching these skills), and less screen time for the kids!
And if there’s nothing left to do, and your kids are bored, then great! Let them be bored. I remember one kid using playdoh to make an adorable octapus. Many other times, my kids have made obstacle courses and forts. Their creativity absolutely explodes them they are bored. Why stifle their brilliance with too much screen time?
Rule #3 – No digital devices in the bedroom
No phone or any digital devices in the bedroom. If digital devices affect sleep, and proper sleep affects EVERY BIOCHEMICAL REACTION in my child’s body, then I am going to prioritize sleep. I am going to be the mean parent to make my child charge their phone in the common living area. So mean. Such a mean mom. They also do their homework and keep their laptops in the common living room area, where I set up their desks. We have only one TV in our house, and it’s in the same area. No TVs or tablets in our bedrooms.
Rule #4 – Normalize communication about screen time use
I’m allowed to check search histories and text message. I honestly don’t do that very often, but it’s understood that I might and that I should have access to their phones whenever I feel like it is necessary. I’m also allowed to ask questions. Who are you talking to? What are you doing on your phone? Are you remembering how to be safe and not sharing inappropriate/private photos or sharing anything mean or gossipy? What are you doing to curb your screen time usage? How’s that strategy going?
Rule #5 – Mommy puts the phone aside too
Before I expect my kids to respect my rules, I need to earn their respect by role modeling the behavior. My kids can absolutely call me out for having my phone out too much. They can absolutely tell on me to their dad. While I do teach them to worry about themselves – not tattling on their siblings, not comparing themselves to their siblings or friends – I do also teach them receive and give honest feedback with me. I want that accountability.
For me, this means that I wrote my blog posts in small chunks. One paragraph at a time. One sentence at a time. In the space between sitting in car line or sitting outside their gymnastics studio. Or in this moment, waiting for one kid to finish brushing her teeth before we read bed time stories. It means that I edit my Instagram videos while they are at school, and save the draft when they come home. It means that I’m not on my phone during car rides, unless there’s a clear and urgent purpose like ordering food or helping the driver check map directions.
This means that they get to watch me make mistakes, scroll too much, check myself, and attempt to do better. As they get older, the rules they live by for their digital devices will be less my rules, and more their rules. I hope that they can be aware of their usage, and create their own boundaries. What rules do you have that work for your family? Send me a DM on Instagram @betamomma. I would love to hear about your ideas!
Resources
Here are some resources for where I got the data mentioned above:
- American Academy of Pediatrics: Collection of Data on Kids and Social Media
- The Pew Research Center: Teen Social Media Usage
- The Pew Research Center: Video Games
- Kidwell: Screen time effect on kids
Here are some resources to help parents guide their kids in this digital era
- American Academy of Pediatrics: Create a Customized Family Media Plan
- American Academy of Pediatrics: Conversation Starters About Screen Time
- Common Sense Media: Parents’ Guides for different ages
Follow me on Instagram at >>>Betamomma<<<< to get more evidenced-based inspirations for practical parenting strategies and motivation to keep going it’s hard some days! Not medical advice, of course. Just general educational purposes. Please talk to your child’s doctor to create a customized health plan. Keep on advocating for your kid(s)!