You tried the positive reinforcement

You tried all the parenting strategies. You tried to give your kids options. They see through that and try to negotiate every decision, every instruction, and every transition. You tried to name emotions. You tried to structure and routines. You tried praise and narrating their actions. You tried reward charts. You tried to wait it out, for your kid to outgrow these behaviors. And yet your kid is still struggling.

You and your family are struggling. Your family’s routines and activities are affected and limited. The tantrums over finding the right socks make you late to appointments. You stop going to the mall. You stop taking your kid to soccer. You feel like you are walking on eggshells. You are exhausted and frustrated. And you are in the right place reading this, because here’s what you can do next.

Next steps for challenging behaviors

Your kid’s behavior struggles are not them trying to be bad. It’s them communicating that something doesn’t feel right in their brain or body. But you don’t have to figure it out alone. Add more brains to party. Invite more experts onto your kid’s team. Here are 6 places to find more players for the team.

1. Your child’s pediatrician. Your child’s pediatrician may have told you the behaviors are normal and that your kid will outgrow them. That may have been true a few months or years ago, but time passed and things aren’t better. It’s time to bring it up again. The pediatrician can also screen for nutrition deficiency, sleep disorder, ADHD, anxiety, and/or depression, and refer to other services that can support our child, such as the following.
2. PT and/or OT. Physical therapists and Occupational therapists can help check your child for difficulty using their muscles or differences in experiencing their senses. The results can identify if your kid needs extra support to learn physical skills that can help them manage their bodies and emotions in a more balanced and smooth way. When the kid feels better, their behaviors also feel better.
3. Therapist or psychologist. At younger ages, these specialists will often use games and art to help your child figure out what is triggering the outbursts. They will use play and colorful pictures and characters to help you and and your child practice strategies to slowdown the and cool down the runaway train in their brain and body. Keep in mind that finding the right fit can take a few tries — with the therapist and even with the practice itself.
4. County or school resources. Each county has free evaluation and services for kids with suspected developmental delays. Parents can self-refer. The county manages services for kids 0-2 years old and 3-5 years old. Once in Kindergarten, the school district will manage those services.
5. Organization led support. Many non-profit advocacy groups such as HUNE, CHADD, and PA Parent and Family Alliance have peer support programs where trained volunteer parents can help guide and mentor parents who are still early in the journey and trying to figure it out. You don’t have to do this alone. Talk to someone who has been in your shoes.
6. Parent led support groups. One parent told me he already anticipated many things I told him about autism and the next steps for his kid, because he read about them in Reddit threads. Another parent asked me about the diagnosis Pathologic Demand Avoidance, because other parents on a Facebook group said her daughter seemed to fit that pattern. Parents bring really wonderful ideas from social media, and I always appreciate the opportunity to discuss them, and to see which ones are relevant for their kid and which ones are not.

Every child’s struggle is a unique mix — undiagnosed autism, ADHD, sensory processing, or sometimes no diagnosis at all. And here’s the good news: your child doesn’t need a diagnosis to get help. You’re already the expert on what your kid struggles with — that observation is where support starts.

Next steps for peaceful parenting

Here are a few foundational mindsets and routines to tackle helping your child feel better and improve their emotional regulation skills.

1. Take care of yourself. Calm parents create a calm home. Calm-ish parents create a calm-ish home. What would it take to create more peace and calm and joy in your mind? I have a life coaching client say she is too tired to interact positively with her kids at the end of the day. Instead of just ingesting more caffeine, we first took care of her energy level. We addressed ways to fill her cup by going over the Energy Checklist.
2. Protect your time with your kid. I help my life coaching clients have quality time with their kids, but I also help them find ways to have more quantity of time with their kids. Having more time allows us to catch their behaviors, notice their strengths and struggles. It’s helps us be ready and present in that moment they are ready to talk or share. One way we open up more time on their calendar is with the More Time Guide – more time for self care and more time to be around our kids.
3. Recognize the myth in peaceful parenting. If “peaceful” means your kid is calm 100% of the time, that doesn’t exist. Nothing works every time. The real goal is beta-results: imperfect parenting, good-enough days, grace for both of you when things go sideways. More energy gives you the endurance to hold space for big emotions. More time gives you more chances to try again.

Want the Energy Checklist and More Time Guide? — I’d love to send them your way (see the form below) . Cheering you on in this journey!

If this resonated, someone in your life is probably searching for it right now too — a friend up at midnight googling their kid’s tantrums, a parent who just canceled another outing. Send them this post. You could be the reason they stop feeling alone tonight.

*This is for education only. Not medical advice, and not representative of a real visit. Not reflective of my employers’ opinions. Talk to your child’s doctor to address specific concerns and to make a plan that fits their needs and situation.